


Love is made (stitch, by stitch, by stitch)

by Purplehuntress3



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Fjord (Critical Role), a smidge of angst, background Shadowgast, background beaujester - Freeform, basically these boys realise love? requires effort, but when you put that effort in you get beautiful things, everyone else appears but have minor roles so i'm not tagging, in one scene, weird timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:53:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25580128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplehuntress3/pseuds/Purplehuntress3
Summary: “It’s a mess,” Fjord says.“So it needs a bit of work,” Caduceus replies, “didn’t we?”Didn’t they?or,Fjord and Caduceus, and the work they put into their love.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 21
Kudos: 124





	Love is made (stitch, by stitch, by stitch)

**Author's Note:**

> about two weeks ago i made a post on tumblr about how fjord was the sea and caduceus was the land he rested against and this was basically inspired by that. as i wrote it it got a bit more about putting work into love than the two being the sea and the land but i liked how it turned out. 
> 
> Thanks to the bff meg for not having a sleeping pattern and betaing this at midnight. 
> 
> <3 enjoy

+

The waves crash heavy against the rocks; the wind forceful behind them. Water is sprayed everywhere as the sea tries to find cracks in the stones, tries to split apart the land. But the rocks here are sturdy, and old. A single, strong storm will not weather them. 

A lone half orc sits on this coast, as close to the sea as he dares. He is soaked from the ocean and the rain as both batter him. With each wave, the water seems to try and drag him back with it, deep beneath the surface. It forms tentacle-like streams as it retreats, attempting to twist its way around the man’s legs. But, supported by the rocks, he stays sturdy. The water tries and tries to draw him down, but he is too strong. 

The half orc listens to the waves, listens to the storm above. He allows himself to be surrounded by this chaos that is pure nature, but with the supporting, and unchanging rock beneath him, he refuses to be consumed. 

+

Nicodranas is a beautiful city- it was when Fjord first came here in his youth, but the view from the opal archways is always breathtaking. From this angle the homes and workplaces seem to cascade down towards the shimmering sapphire that is the ocean. The ships merely blemishes upon its endlessness. 

He is jolted from his thoughts by the tap of a staff on his shoulder. At first, he thinks it's Beau, but realises she would have been more forceful, and instead turns to see Caduceus. The others were walking away and splitting up; Caleb and Veth were heading towards Yussa’s tower, and the girls towards the Lavish Chateau. Caduceus places a hand gently on Fjord’s shoulder and turns him towards the sea, and the market places before them.

“I said we’d get dinner,” Caduceus says, and Fjord allows himself to be led away.

The streets get more winding the closer to the sea they get. They head towards the western side of the Open Quay, and following Caduceus’ nose eventually stumble across a bustling market. People shout in many different languages, some Fjord knows, some he doesn’t. 

Between the people and the stalls, there isn’t much room and they both find themselves being pulled along by the crowd. Like a current they are drawn along the tight pathways between tables, people calling out their wares. Flowers, fish, fragrances from places they’ve never even heard of let alone alone been.

At one point, Caduceus trips over a small stone and Fjord catches him just in time, pulling him out the way of a pair of barreling dwarves. No longer in the pull of the crowd, they find themselves in front of a flower stall. Two trellises hold bouquets of a rainbow of different flowers, beautifully arranged. The table itself is covered in single flowers, a small chalkboard reading prices leaning against one of the posts. 

Fjord browses through the single flowers as Caduceus sticks his nose into the different bouquets. The third time, his nose comes out covered in pollen, and he sneezes a few times into his sleeve as Fjord laughs.

“Ah yes, wallflowers can have a lot of pollen, but it does make for some sweet honey in the summer if you’ve got bees.” While they’d both been distracted, the owner of the store had finally appeared from beneath the table. A young, female gnome with a shirt as bright as her flowers. She has no hair, but instead multiple flower crowns that cover her head and ivy that dangles down like braids. “Is there anything specific I can get you this afternoon?”

“Uhh…”

“We’re just admiring your beautiful stock,” Caduceus praises, “they look lovely, and smell nice too.” 

The woman laughs at the compliment. “Well my wife always said the sweeter the flower, the nicer the honey.” she brings up her hand to cover her mouth slightly and fake whispers, “She’s a real sweet flower.” She then sends a wink Caduceus’ way, who laughs. 

Fjord blushes a deep green before coughing and turning to Caduceus. “We should remember that, you like honey don’t you.” 

The firbolg nods as he turns back to the bouquet in front of him. “Yeah, it's nice. Jester likes it too.” 

“Yeah. Right. Jester, um.” Fjord turns back to the spread of flowers to distract himself. Of course Jester likes honey more than Caduceus, she was the one that insisted they do that weird bee tour in the first place. He’s staring at a pink flower that reminds him of the lichen that grows on Caduceus’ shield when the woman half climbs onto the table and into his face. 

“You know…” she whispers, glancing between him and Caduceus, who still has his head in a bouquet, “Flowers can have specific meanings you know.” 

He didn’t know that, though he supposes he had no reason to. “Really?” he asks.

“Yeah! Like love, and devotion, admiration, longing-”

“What about friendship?” 

The woman is clearly surprised by this, and leans back, standing on the floor again. She raises her eyebrows, looking between him and Caduceus. “Friendship?”

It's Fjord’s turn to lean over the table, careful not to squish any flowers. “Yeah. or family. That kinda thing.” 

The woman frowns and stares at her display. “I mean we have a couple options, sunflowers can mean close friendships…” she brings her hand to her lips as she studies her flowers. “It's not usually what we get asked for.” 

Feeling bad, Fjord picks up the flower he was already staring at, the little label telling him it is a _Pink Camellia_. He shows it to the woman, “does this mean friendship?” he hoped it did, it really did suit Caduceus. 

The woman just raises one eyebrow and says completely deadpan “Sure.” 

Fjord smiles and passes the copper pieces over to her before turning to Caduceus and tapping on his shoulder. The firbolg turns and smiles at the extended flower. “Oh that’s nice,” he says as he takes it. He brings it up to his nose and sniffs it before tucking it behind his ear. “It smells sweet, thank you.” 

“It-” Fjord coughs, “it- uh, means friendship.” He looks to the gnome woman to back him up, who nods.

“Very, very, _very_ , devoted friendship.” she smiles sweetly. 

“See,” Fjord says as he gestures to her, but Caduceus just smiles and shakes his head. 

“I suppose I better buy you something as well then, shouldn’t I?” Caduceus asks, before turning his attention to the flowers. It takes him longer to choose than it took Fjord, but eventually he picks up a small bunch of pink flowers with white edges. “What do these mean?”

“Oh those, um,” the woman fiddles with her wedding ring as she tries to remember. “Gallantry and bravery if I remember correctly. Heroes and that sort of stuff.”

“That doesn’t sound-” Fjord starts to say, but is cut off as Caduceus leans over and pays for the small bunch. He steps closer to Fjord, into his space, and tucks the small bunch into his breast pocket and spreads them out to get as much colour as possible showing. 

“I think it suits you perfectly, Mr Fjord.” He pats his chest before turning back to the woman, while Fjord is left a spluttering mess. He’s not good at being the centre of attention. He isn’t brave, even if Caduceus always knows what he’s talking about. 

“F-Food,” he eventually stutters out, “we’re getting food, remember Caddy?” The firbolg nods, and thanks the florist for the help. 

“No problem,” she says, smiling. “Always a pleasure to teach people about flowers. My wife didn’t know a thing either when we met. They truly are a language of love.” she waves a finger at Fjord. “Any type of love.” she adds on at the end.

Fjord also thanks her, and as they go he swears he hears her say “Platonic, my arse.” 

+

About an hours horse ride north of Nicodranas lies a beautiful bay, frequented only by locals during the summer. Long, stony outcroppings on either side protect the bay from strong waves, allowing all sorts of tropical sea creatures to find refuge there. Tucked close to the forest is an old, rotted cottage. Once owned by some rich noble who used it as a summer home, it now lays abandoned and in need of a lot of work. 

In front of said cottage stands Fjord, the deed to it in one hand, and a bag of tools in the other. He’s looking over the house, noting every cracked beam, every smashed window. This is going to take more than a couple of Jester’s mending spells. 

The woman in question is currently tackling Beau in the water by the beach. The two of them had come out to help him and Caduceus fix up the place. However, this was not what they had thought when the seller had told them it had been ‘unloved’. 

Caduceus presses himself up against Fjord’s back and rests his chin on his head, a gesture that has become commonplace after they got together. Fjord leans back into his embrace as they stare at their new home. 

“It’s a mess,” he says.

“So it needs a bit of work,” Caduceus replies, “didn’t we?”

_Didn’t they?_

It takes them the rest of the day and a few spells just to replace the rotted beam (some of those spells being healing when Jester spun too fast with the wood and knocked out both Beau and Fjord). It takes two days to fix all of the cracks in the wood and stone, one to replace all the windows, two days to decorate and move furniture about (four of those hours trying to work out how to unstick the sofa from the door frame), and one final day for the raccoons in the attic to finally just bite Fjord and decide that the house was no longer theirs. 

And at the end of those seven days… they rested. They sat drinking tea in their mismatched chairs, listening to the fire burn and the waves gently hitting the shore outside. Each of the window frames were covered in seashells, something he had considered tacky as Jester did it but now…

He remembers the Xhorhaus and how mismatched it was. Remembered the shelves covered in memorabilia and little souvenirs from the places they’ve been. Caleb’s weird cat statues displayed beside dragon's teeth and basilisk scales. Pictures of pressed flowers next to rude paintings. A giant tree above a hot tub. The house had been 7 different jigsaw puzzles trying to fit into one picture. And yet it had felt like a home. So the window frame was tacky, so their chairs by the fire mismatched; this place was on its way to feeling more and more like a home. 

Their home.

And how long had they- _he_ searched for that? Outcast by the people he had been raised with, he had found refuge on the sea. A lawless, free place, with no headmasters, no mayors, no _kings_. But the sea, as much as he loved it, was no place to find home. Its rough, constantly changing ways was no place to settle down on. 

He looks over to Caduceus, who is nursing a small cup of tea and staring into the fire. He already had a home. Already has a family who cared and loved him. Yet here he is, with him. 

It had taken so long for Fjord to realise that he was in love with Caduceus, and longer to work out if the firbolg liked him back. Even after they confessed, finding out how the fit together had its ups and downs, but they had made it. It took lots of effort, and hundreds of pots of tea, but they did it. 

Fjord reaches out a hand towards Caduceus, bridging the gap between chairs. The other man turns and reaches back, their hands now clasped. 

“I’m glad we put in the work,” Fjord says softly. 

Caduceus just smiles, and squeezes his hand in response. 

+

“You just have to go under, over, _eins, zwei,_ pull this bit and- there,” Caleb describes as he shows Fjord how to tie a tie. The motions are lost on him though, and as he tries to repeat his steps he ends up getting his fingers stuck. 

Fjord hears a chuckle and looks over to where Essek is currently helping Yasha braid beads into her hair. “Maybe next time just… don’t pick an outfit with a tie?” He suggests. It's unfair how an hour ago Yasha was showing him how to put the beads in, and there he is now doing it with ease. _Fucking wizards._

“It’s a wedding!” he replies, gesturing wildly and causing Caleb to duck out the way. “I’m the best man! I thought it was like, compulsory?” he looks at Caleb, who shrugs. 

“I’ve never been to a wedding before, I just know they’re fancy,” Caleb says, looking down at his own blue tie and cloak. He turns to Yasha. “You’ve been to a wedding before, did you wear ties?” 

Yasha squints at the wall as she thinks. “Well, I didn’t wear a tie. My wife didn’t wear a tie. And the officiator didn’t either… so no I guess no one wore a tie.” she gives Fjord an apologetic look before turning back to her braids. 

Essek sighs loudly and dramatically before gesturing to himself. “You are all forgetting that I have been to _hundreds_ of fancy weddings, mostly against my will. I have been to every kind of wedding under the Luxon and believe me when I say that ties were not compulsory.” 

“Yeah but those were Xhorhasian weddings!” Fjord points out. He finally frees his fingers and begins trying to tie it, but once again fails. He huffs out in frustration, but still, he tries again. 

Caleb reaches out and places a hand on his upper arm and gives it a squeeze. “You know you don’t have to wear a tie right? Even if it’s ‘tradition’- this is Beau and Jester’s wedding, do you think they’d care?” 

“It’s just…” he trails off, looking down at the soft material in his hands. It is a nice sea blue, the colour theme of the wedding, with all sorts of animals hand sewn into it with black thread. He rubs his thumb over a bee before continuing. “Caduceus bought this for me. He’s wearing- or… well said he was going to wear the matching shirt. Course that was before…” he doesn’t have to continue, they all know what he was talking about. 

Essek, ever the blunt one, speaks up. “Have you spoken since the fight?” Fjord just shakes his head. He beckons Fjord with his hands and stands before the half orc, a good foot shorter. He takes the tie from him, and wraps it around Fjord’s neck. “This, though a little scruffier, is a simpler way to tie a tie. My brother used to do it before parties when we were younger. Only very, very posh people can tell. Which of course most of my family are. But, avoid Beau’s parents and I think you’ll be fine.” he shows Fjord, slowly, how to do it. Before untying it again and letting the half orc try. It certainly does look a little scruffier, but it's tied. 

It is at that moment that the Gentleman peaks his head through the door. “Your procession is going down to the beach now- Beau is waiting in the foyer.” his eyes drag along Fjord’s tie, but he shrugs before closing the door without acknowledging an answer. 

Caleb claps his hands. “Well, we’ve got a wedding to be going to, huh?”

+

A streak of lightning passes over Fjord’s head and he can’t tell if it's from Yasha or Beau as he runs straight at a mindflayer. He plunges the Starrazor deep into its abdomen and he feels the tentacles on its face try and grasp before slowly going limp. As the illithid falls from his grip Essek rushes past, and he watches as the drow gets close enough to another mindflayer, this one grasping at Caleb. He pulled out a small rod of iron and cast a spell at the monstrosity, causing it to freeze in place. This gave Caleb enough time to free himself from its grasp, and for Veth to come sliding underneath it and shoot one final bolt through its maw. 

_Two down._

They had been fighting for a while. Deep in the underdark, the eight of them were trying to find the location of a temple of the Chained Oblivion, where it’s believed more followers were amassing to try and break its chains. However, it is not just cultists that occupied this space, and on their way they were ambushed by eight fucking Illithids. 

He turns and watches as Beau’s fist crunches through a third mindflayer. Yasha beheads the fourth, and though he can’t see Jester, a very serrated lollypop makes pulp out of a fifth. 

Eight vs eight. One each, right? 

And then he hears Caduceus shout. 

Fjord turns and finds Caduceus on his back. He’s trapped beneath one of the illithids, the things tentacles leaving saliva clumped in his fur. Caduceus flails at it, but he’s never been very strong, and his staff lies two feet behind him. The mind flayer rears back, tentacles spreading as the beak comes out and-

Fjord doesn’t think. He dives.

Tackling the mindflayer is probably not the best idea, but it’s the only one he has as he and the monster go tumbling. He tries to make it out on top, but like Caddy, he’s never been a strong one. The thing has him pinned, and his jabs with the Starrazor aren’t hitting. He feels the tentacles, feels the beak along his jaw and then-

_Pain._

It’s like his brain is leaking out his ear. He can’t hear anything, can’t focus on anything but the pain. He knows he’s screaming. Knows he’s thrashing. But what he knows is slowly leaving him, and being fed to the beast on top of him. 

Suddenly, it stops, and the pain as the things tentacles are ripped from his mind is just as painful as the illithid consuming it. The world is fuzzy for a few moments, before the soft, soothing feeling of healing magic spreads across his face. 

“-ord?” the voice is muffled, and the world is blurring and tinted red as he blinks his eyes open. It takes him a second to realise that it was his own blood, covering his face. “Fjord!” the voice called again, and more healing magic followed it. 

He swings his hand right, and closes around a soft, furry hand. The hand clings to his, and he turns slightly and sees, still blurry and tinted, a scared and relieved Caduceus. 

“Oh my god Fjord!” Suddenly, his vision is blue, as Jester leans over him and starts scrubbing his own blood out of his eyes. “That was so scary! I really thought that guy was going to _eat. Your. brains!_ Imagine that! We might have had to do a proper revivify which is good we didn’t because you know, diamonds are expensive. Are you okay?” He grunts in response, but she seems to take it as a yes. “Okay! I’m going to go help the wizards out, I think Caduceus has you now.” Lifting his head up, Fjord looks over towards where Caleb, Essek, and Veth were. The three were staring at the head of an Illithid that was still attached to Caleb’s arm. Luckily though, it didn’t seem to be attached to anything else. 

“Here, I think we’re resting for the night anyway,” Caduceus says, and then gently caresses Fjord’s face as he casts cure wounds once again. Fjord finally finds the energy to sit up, even if it makes him a bit dizzy. He starts to lean into the firbolgs side but is stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Fjord turns, and sees him frowning. 

“Cad? Are you alright?” he has to say it slowly, as his brain slowly knits back the part that dictates speech. As he does, Caduceus’ frown deepens. 

“Why didn’t you just attack it?” Caduceus asks. It’s Fjord's turn to frown now, and before he can ask what he means, the other man continues. “You had the sword, and I know you have a few spells left, but you just… took the hit.” Caduceus looks him dead in the eye. “Why?”

Is it not obvious? “It was going to hurt you,” Fjord states. 

“So you let yourself be hurt instead?” Caduceus caresses the part of his skull where the illithid had pierced through. 

“You- you could have died Caddy.” 

A single tear rolls down the firbolg cheek. 

“You could have, too.”

And so comes the single rocky step in their relationship. How many times have they talked about Fjord’s self worth. How he feels _useless_ so much? They’ve talked and he’s made promises and _tried to be better._ But his instinct… his instinct was to take that hit. That Caddy’s life was worth more than his. And he can try and tell Caddy that that wasn’t true, but he’s too darn perceptive to see that after all these years, he doesn’t believe he’s worth shit. 

Fjord reaches out, but his silence tells Caduceus exactly what he thinks. He’s fully crying now, and before Fjord can stop him, Caduceus stands and walks away. 

+

As the sun sets over the bay of Nicodranas, the wedding ceremony is bathed in a golden glow. In the end, there aren't too many people there. Friends they had made on their journeys, family members, a few people from the Cobalt Soul. They are about half a mile out from the city, standing on the beach itself. Fjord watches as two of his closest friends cry as they get married. 

He’s stood to the left, standing next to Caleb on Beau’s side. The Zemnian himself is currently holding little TJ, who is staring intently down at the pair of rings he has in his hands, refusing to take his eyes off them. As Fjord turns back to Jester’s teary vows, his eyes catch Caduceus’. He is sitting in the front row on Jester’s side, next to her father who is looking a bit teary eyed himself. Caduceus is smiling up at Jester and Beau, though it is obvious to anyone who knew the firbolg that, no matter how happy he was, there was something wrong underneath. 

He is also wearing the shirt. 

Blue was not usually Caduceus’ colour, but he does look good wearing it. But then Fjord thought he looked good wearing anything. You do, when you love someone.

Fjord stares down at the tie. He takes note of every individual stitch of the bugs and birds, and thinks about how long it must have taken to make. The effort and devotion applied to one thing. He thinks about Beau and Jester, how long they’ve been together. He doesn’t just think about the fights, of them protecting one another in battle. But other, smaller moments. 

_Do you want us to stay?_

They love each other, so much, to the point where they won’t leave each other’s side. But Fjord… every time he puts himself in harm's way, every hit he takes for Caduceus, he puts that at risk. He was so willing to die for Caduceus, that he didn’t think about living for him, too. 

He looks over at Caduceus to find the firbolg already looking back, staring at the tie. 

_Love is not found_ , he thinks, _it is made, stitch, by stitch, by stitch._

+

“O’ Captain My Captain!” Beau calls as she stumbles into his quarters on the ship, the smell of whisky wafting in after her. This is _not_ the atmosphere he wanted to have this conversation in. 

“Okay, maybe this can wait till morning,” he grabs her arm to lead her out the room but even a few glasses in, she is still more wiley than him. 

“No no no-,” she says as she spins around to escape him. The ship rocks and so does she, but still Beau stays on two feet. She points a finger at him, “You wanted a conversation- you- you said that it was personal, and something about advice. And me being drunk shouldn’t stop you from getting something off your chest.” 

“It really is fine,” he tries to insist, but she’s shaking her head. The ship rocks again and this time she leans backwards with it, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“You’re… sad isn’t the right word. Restrained. Cautious. Something’s happened and now you’re worried about interacting with the group. I noticed. _Caduceus_ noticed. In fact, the only two that probably didn’t notice are Veth and Yasha and to be fair, those two probably think I’m still down there drinking with them.” She leans forward, elbow on knees. “What I’m getting at Fjord is- what’s wrong, man?” 

Fjord sighs, and the weight on his shoulders makes itself known. He wanted to talk to Beau because he needs this weight gone. He looks at her, and sees the same woman who has stood by his side through countless battles as his first mate. 

He walks over and sits next to her. “What I’m about to ask you can’t leave this room, capiche?” she nods, and then does various hand gestures about crossing her heart. He takes a deep breath in, and as it comes out so do the words. “How do you know… if you’re in love with someone? And if that someone likes you back?” it was stupid- he should know right? Deep into his 30’s and never having a romantic relationship with someone. He had dreamed of them, certainly, but when you live the life Fjord has, you don’t exactly have time to settle down. 

After a few moments of silence, Beau still hasn’t answered. He turns to look at her and sees her face in shock.

“Beau?” shit maybe asking a drunk Beau wasn’t the best idea. The woman shakes her head though, and her face returns to normal.

“Sorry,” she says, “I was just re-evaluating every single meaningful conversation I’ve seen you have with Caduceus with the knowledge that you’re in love with him.” 

“Is it that obvious?” he hasn’t even mentioned his name and yet she knows. 

Beau squints and frowns slightly, before shaking her head. “It wasn’t,” she answers, “but now I’m looking back… it's like I found a piece of red string and tugged it. Suddenly everything is connected in a way I couldn’t see before.” she leans back onto the bed. 

“So? What do I do? How can I tell if he likes me back?” Beau looks at him and she just looks sad.

“You have two options, Fjord. You either sit on the sidelines, watching and wondering if he likes you. Or your impulsive ass goes downstairs and asks him outright.” 

Fjord turns to her in shock. “I can’t do that! What if he says no?” They’re on a ship in the middle of the ocean. 

“Okay, okay,” she replies, “so maybe not right now, maybe in a bit when we’re off the ocean but- Fjord.” and she sits up now, grabs his shoulder and looks him dead in the eye. “Unless you ask, unless you get full, verbal confirmation that Caduceus likes you, you are going to _never_ get over this. You are going to sit there, watching and overthinking every touch, every glance, until it consumes you. Believe me, I’ve been there. I was in love with Jester for _two fucking years_ before we started dating, and it was agony. I didn’t know peace until I confessed to her.” she gently pats him on the side of his arm. “You should do something a little less dramatic.” 

“No crying and shouting in the rain?” he jokes. 

“Probably a bit too much for Caddy.” they both laugh and lean into each other, butting heads as they do so. Fjord sighs, and the smile’s gone. 

“What if he says no?” he asks again.

Beau pauses before answering. “So what if he does? You go up to him and you say- ‘Hey Caddy’” her impersonation of him is so bad it causes him to snort, “‘I kinda like you, you wanna go on a date some time?’ and he’s all like ‘I’m sorry’” she draws out each word to try and copy Caduceus’ voice, “‘I don’t like you like that, but we can still be friends, and Melora bros, right?’ and of course you agree and maybe it's a little awkward for a bit but you _are_ friends, and you _are_ Melora bros, so you’ll be fine.” she wraps her arm around his shoulders and butts their heads together again. 

“The real question you should be asking yourself Fjord, is not what’s going to happen if he says no. It's what’s going to happen if he says yes.” 

+

“Yes- I’m sure Fjord.” Caduceus says, ignoring Fjord’s insistences, “I’ve got the dishes, you two catch up.” 

Caduceus stands from his seat next to Fjord in their front room. It still sounds surreal to say that- theirs. Not the Mighty Nein’s, not a borrowed or loaned house, _theirs._ His and Caduceus’. It’s… nice. The firbolg presses a kiss to his forehead as he collects the plates and cups and makes his way into the kitchen. 

Caleb, who is sitting opposite Fjord with Frumpkin laid across his lap, looks as smug as the cat that got the cream.

“Shut up,” Fjord mumbles. 

“I did not say anything,” Caleb says, but the smile does not leave.

“You look smug. You’ve been hanging around Essek too much.” That causes Caleb to laugh, which jostle’s Frumpkin enough for the cat to leave his lap and to go explore the new house. 

“I like it- the house, not the smug look,” Caleb corrects before Fjord could speak on it, and began to really look around. After all the effort that was put into this place, he is glad Caleb likes it. Caleb’s eyes stop at something, and Fjord turns to see him looking at the seashelled window frames. 

“A bit tacky, Jester did it,” and though his words were a little harsh, he had fallen in love with the display over the weeks.

“I should have assumed it was her,” Caleb replies, “I can count at least seven different dicks.” 

“You’re getting slow, mister Caleb, yesterday I counted eleven.” Fjord glances back at Caleb, and before they can make eye contact they’re laughing. Even as they settle down, there is a bright wide smile across both of their faces.

“Did you see Jester while you were in Zadash?” Fjord asked. “They mentioned they were going to be there for a while.” 

Caleb nods. “A bit longer than ‘a while.’ if you ask me.” Fjord scrunches his face up in confusion. Caleb leans forward in his chair to get closer to the other man. “They were house hunting.” 

That confused Fjord even more. “I thought you were all going to continue adventuring? I told you guys that you didn’t have to stop just because we-” Caleb waves his hands about, cutting him off. 

“It's not like that,” Caleb’s eyebrows furrow as he tries and finds the right words. “I think… for so long the only thing we had- the only _good_ thing a lot of us had, was what we had on the road. And I know for me it scared me to think about what would happen if we stopped. But seeing you here, so happy, it made a lot of us realise that retiring? It was an option.” 

“Us?” Fjord points out, and Caleb smiles. 

“Professor Waccoh is retiring from the Marble Tomes, and they have asked me if I would replace her. Even offered me a teaching role there.” From the way Caleb starts to fidget with his fingers, Fjord could tell that he is very excited at the opportunity. 

“That’s great Caleb,” Fjord says, and now it is his turn to be a little smug. “You’ll probably get to spend more time with Essek that way.” The two of them had been dancing around each other since they met. To this day Fjord still doesn’t believe they were just doing ‘magic’ in all of those study sessions.

Caleb blushes. “Ya,” Caleb says and takes a deep breath, “especially since I started dating him.” 

“What!?” Fjord shouts. He claps his hands once in excitement. “About time!” Caleb blushes harder.

“Ya, ya, ‘we’ve been waiting for this’, ‘i’m so happy for you’ etc. etc. Beau and Jester gave me the same speech when I told them.” he is shying away from Fjord, but his smile is impossible to hide. 

Fjord leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “I am happy for you,” he insists. “I’m so glad you found this, even if for so long you didn’t think you deserved it.” 

“I am happy for you too, because I know for a fact you didn’t think you’d deserve this” Caleb replies. 

+

The speeches and dances are done, and the happy couple are somewhere Fjord doesn’t want to think about. Fjord sits at the bar nursing the one ale that had been handed to him at the start of the night, and he sits there alone. He doesn’t think about going over to his remaining friends; In a dark corner of the room, Caleb and Essek sit talking about spells, and on the dance floor is a slightly sober Yasha and a very not sober Veth, dancing a little too upbeat to a waltz song. And anyway, there is only one person he wants to talk to tonight… and he is sitting three seats over from him at the bar, drinking milk. 

They keep glancing at each other, sometimes when the other is looking, sometimes not. When they do catch the other looking, they quickly turn away, but not before they notice the sad look on the others face. 

Fjord stares down at his drink, trying to work up the courage to talk to Caduceus. He’s been working himself up all evening, ever since he saw him wearing the shirt. But now he’s so close, it is so much harder to jump the final hurdle. What if he was only wearing the shirt because it’s all he had? What if he is sitting alone because he wanted to be alone? What if- 

_What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?_

It’s a question he’s scared to learn the answer to. But one he must ask. Because he can sit here and wait, nursing a single drink. He can wait, and wait, and wait, but the answer won’t come unless he asks. 

So he stands. He walks the short walk to the stool next Caduceus, and sits down next to the man he’s in love with. And he tells him. 

“I love you.” 

Caduceus smiles, but it’s sad. “I love you too.” 

“I know.” Of course he knows, that was never the problem. Fjord takes a deep breath, “I’ve been thinking.” His serious tone gets Caduceus to sit a little straighter and turn his way slightly. Fjord reaches out and holds one of his hands. “I love you. I do. I love you so much I’d die for you,” Caduceus opens his mouth to say something but Fjord just holds up his other hand and stops him, “and I know that that’s part of the problem. With this wedding, I realised that as much as I’d die for you, I wanna live for you too. I want to live for the little moments that we’ve had so few of. But- but I know myself well enough that if we keep fighting, keep travelling around the world, I can’t promise you that if I see you in harm's way, I won’t tackle an illithid and take the hit for you. I just can’t.”

Caduceus squints. “I’m confused. What are you asking me?” 

Fjord grabs Caduceus’ other hand so he’s now holding them both. “I am asking you, Caduceus Clay, to retire with me. So that we can live in a nice house, with a nice garden, and a nice view of the sea. We can keep bees and grow wildflowers. Because I want that Caddy. I want to change for you, I do, but it took me until now to realise that I need a little change in life too. And you know how bad I am at asking for things I want, but I want this. _I want to live with you._ And I’m willing to put the work in if you will, too.” 

Fjord can count on both hands how many times he’s cried in his life, and this brings it up to a proud number seven. But he doesn’t care right now, he only cares about Caduceus. 

The other man lets go of his hands to hold onto his face. Gently, he wipes away the tears. “I love you Fjord,” he whispers softly. “And I would love to make a home with you.” 

+

Cooking in the Xhorhaus is Their Thing. Well, it is Caduceus’ thing, but these days anything that was Caddy’s thing, ended up being Fjord’s thing too. 

_Gods, how did it take Fjord this long to realise he was in love?_

Fjord is standing at Caduceus’ side, taking orders and listening to the other man as he does what he does best. Caduceus is an amazing cook, and healing be damned, this is where he shines. He is currently talking about the mushrooms he is chopping and frying, but Fjord isn’t really paying attention to the words. 

Unbeknown to the firbolg standing two feet away from him, Fjord is going through a bit of a crisis on how to _ask him out._

It has been three weeks since he had talked to Beau on the boat. She had wanted him to tell Caduceus earlier, but he had needed more time. And a bit of a push… and a threat. 

_“I am taking the other’s out shopping,” she had said when she burst into his room this morning. “Tell him today or I’m telling Veth that you have a crush on him.”_

If Veth got involved, he doesn’t know if she would mock him or try and do something about it, but both options seemed terrifying.

So. Here he is. Staring. 

“Fjord? Are you listening?” staring a bit too hard apparently. 

“Yep! Yes,” he says, clicking his fingers. “Definitely.” Caduceus raises his eyebrow, obviously not convinced. He smiles, but it fades quickly. He takes the mushrooms off the flame, turning it off with a quick wave of thaumaturgy. 

“Fjord,” he starts, though he’s still looking at the mushrooms.

“Oh shit, should I have been listening? I thought you had been talking about mushrooms- not that their not important but-”

“Fjord, it’s okay.” He reaches out and lays a hand on Fjord’s upper arm, but the half orc notices the stutter in movement just before he places it. _Oh no._

“Caddy-” 

“I’m sorry,” Caduceus states, and Fjord’s mind goes blank.

_“What_?” 

“You’ve been distant, and it’s my fault. Don’t say it isn’t,” he says, cutting Fjord off when he tries to speak. “That day, at the market. With the flowers. You were so insistent on giving me the flower that meant friendship- and I should point out to you that she lied it doesn’t mean friendship- but I went with the Sweet Williams. It does mean bravery but… you don’t give it to people who you’re just friends with.” He takes a deep breath. “I understand that you’ve been distant because you realised I liked you and you didn’t like me back. It’s okay Fjord, we can go back to being friends.” 

_What._ Suddenly he realises what Beau had meant when she said it was like _seeing the red thread._ The flowers, the fact they had even gone for dinner without the others in the first place, just the two of them. And smaller moments; Caduceus asking if Fjord wants to pray with him, soft touches, hidden smiles. _You’ll never know if you don’t ask._ Maybe it wasn’t Fjord she was talking about.

Caduceus takes Fjord silence as a bad thing, so continues on. He’s rushed, something Fjord’s never seen. He’s nervous. “Don’t worry, the others will be back soon. Jester said she’d take the others out so we could talk.” out of everything, that is what finally shook Fjord from his memories. He reaches forward, grabbing Caduceus by both arms.

“Beau took the others out because she threatened me with Veth if Ididn’t tell you today that I was in love with you.” Now it is Caduceus’ turn to be wide eyed and shocked. Fjord huffs out a slightly manic laugh. “Which means that not only are we oblivious, but we’re _obviously_ oblivious, to the point where our two best friends had to intervene.” 

A small, soft smile appears on Caduceus' face. “You’re in love with me?” 

Fjord nods. “I realised two days after the flower thing, when I was still obsessing over the flowers you put in my breast pocket and it occurred to me that people don’t usually put extra effort into keeping flowers pretty that were given to them by their best friends.” Caduceus’ smile turns into a grin, and he starts to laugh. “Oh god we’re a mess,” Fjord points out.

“Maybe,” Caduceus replies, “but even the messiest gardens can be made beautiful with a bit of work.” 

Fjord reaches up and caresses Caduceus’ face. “Well, I’m not the strongest, or the smartest, but I’m willing to put the work in, for you.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated! im on tumblr @ huntress-of-the-forest


End file.
